thought

Life feels off at the moment, tho nothing has changed. I keep having this repetitive thought pop into my mind that is I should leave her and let them be happy alone as witch they were before.... before i screwed up their relation ship.... but i never could I love this woman so much i would be breaking my own heart but with that thought am I just being selfish? I know its a dumb thing and she would not wan me to think this and I try.... But they seem to much happier and seem to have such a better connection, and I get jealous of some thing something so stupid as i cant even say I love you on facebook. I dont know, I think its just all in my head and its me... like usual.

yes...... why so fucking dumb..... I feel so fucking bad... im such a fucking idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOOODDDD!!!!!!! GGGGGGUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....

You aginst the world, Diamonds and Pearls!!!!

kahlua... ;)

Oh this wonderful thing called kahlua... oh boy! I am no longer a kahlua virgin :D YAY!!!! THANKS MITCHELL! <3

...

So apparently not knowing my past hurts some people.... kind of makes me feel bad because i guess they dont know me that well because they dont know that chapter in my life, but in a way I feel the same way with them.

:|

Lalala! So i feel a little better about my self the last few days, I think one of the biggest things was feeling like a bum and not having a job but Michelle said to wait to find a job after we fine a new place so I wouldent have to relocate to a new job or something. I am some what excited to go back to Clinton but im also not that excited, but if I do go back I will see how it goes.

Hows it going?

Its going GREAT!!!!!!! It still really sucks, I love her a lot! And it still sucks that I can not just go up to her and just hug her and kiss her but still the kids and I understand but I feel that this relationship might go downhill.... I really hope not because I love this women so F@#king much! I miss her a lot, may if i get a job she will love me more because I will be bringing money into the house and I wont be such a low life. So I guess we will just see what the future holds i guess....yep...